


caution tape around my heart

by mianhate



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 06:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5817100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mianhate/pseuds/mianhate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sehun and Jongin spend a late night reminiscing about what they had and what they could be</p>
            </blockquote>





	caution tape around my heart

**Author's Note:**

> heavily inspired by gnash's 'i hate u i love u', that's where the title's from, i'm not that clever. yay for the only thing i've been able to finish in a very long time (hopefully i'll get better at that) because i write so. much. for everything. jfc anyways here it is, in all its un-beta'd glory.

Sehun moved to sit up at the sound of the door to the roof opening. The last person he expected to see, however, emerged. _Shit_. How exactly was he supposed to appear composed and unaffected when he was sitting on a rooftop at midnight, drinking shitty lite beer. He had a six pack of them for god’s sakes.  


“Hey,” his voice cracked. Nothing was going the way he wanted it to go.

 

Jongin looked surprised at the sound of his voice, but he didn’t turn back around and leave so that was a good sign. Or maybe Sehun just looked more pitiful than he thought.

 

“Hey,” Jongin replied, almost as awkward as Sehun felt. Jongin slowly made his way towards the unoccupied chair next to Sehun. Sehun hoped his heart wasn’t beating too erratically.

 

“Want a beer?” he offered as Jongin sat down. He reached out a hand to take the one offered to him. The two sat in silence together, leaning back on old lawn chairs atop their apartment complex. Sehun noticed Jongin looking at the skyline; he was looking at the stars.

 

“I come up here a lot to think.”

 

“You do? I never see you.”

 

“I usually come later in the night.” _When I can’t sleep_ , he didn’t add.

 

“Oh.” They fell into a long silence after that.

  
  


“You ever wonder what we could’ve been?”

 

“Sehun- what?” Maybe he was more drunk than Jongin thought.

 

“I just- we felt so right for each other. Maybe this is the alcohol talking, but I’m still sober enough to realize it hurts so much seeing you. It’s a fucking bullet, Jongin. And it looks so much like it doesn’t even affect you, but I _know_ you. You feel this too, right?”

 

“Sehun, you’re drunk.”

 

“ _Jongin_.” Jongin really didn’t want to meet Sehun’s eyes, knowing full well he would see Sehun eyes weren’t glossed over and were full of vulnerability.

 

“Sehun, you really want to start this? I can’t sleep at night. I don’t want to admit it, but I want you. But I’m hurting too. I can’t stop thinking about her.”

 

“Her?”

 

“Her.”

 

“She wasn’t my doing. Evidently, some of my ‘friends’ didn’t like the fact I was with you. When we fought that time, they set me up. Completely disregarding the fact I had a boyfriend. At first, I went along with it because I was mad at you. Even though my ex friends tried to make me love her, it was always you.” Sehun remembered everything vividly. He remembers the last time he saw Jongin before breaking it off with the girl. He definitely remembers the look on Jongin’s face that day too. He remembers what he said.

 

_Look, I’m sure you’re a great girl. But I-- you’re not who I’m in love with._  
  
  
The classic ‘It’s not you, it’s me’. Luckily enough, she was understanding as she gave him an almost knowing look before hugging him one last time. Unluckily for him, it was too late. He recalls breaking it off with his friends too.

 

_If my friends can’t handle who I’m in love with, then they’re not really my friends at all_. He had said. _You set me up with some girl and pushed Jongin away from me._

_You still went along with it, Sehun._

_Because you wouldn’t leave me alone! I thought if I played along then after a while you guys would ignore it, but I was wrong. You made me lose the best thing that’s ever happened to me so what makes you think I’m gonna be okay with hanging out with you?_

_Sehun, chill out._

_Jongin won’t even look at me anymore. Why couldn’t you just accept the fact we were together and we were happy? Just- leave me alone._

 

Deep down, Sehun still felt it was completely his fault. If he hadn’t argued with Jongin and messed with that girl to spite him, then he wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. He cried on his way home. He cried at home. Especially when he realized all of Jongin’s things were gone. It wasn’t until three days later that he found out Jongin just moved down a floor. It didn’t make things better.

  


“But… obviously I missed the chance to show you that before. I never got the chance to tell you when you moved out and blocked my calls and ignored me standing in front of your door. I don’t blame you though.”

 

Jongin sighed. “Every time I close my eyes, I see your arms wrapped around her waist. I see you giving her your jacket. I just loved you so much and it didn’t seem like you cared. It was killing me. How it seemed so easy to forget what we had and move on. You know, you looked at her like you looked at me. It wasn’t hard to believe you.”

 

“Her eyes… they reminded me of yours. I hate that I hurt you like that. I hate that I let them get in the way of us. I hate that I ruined what would have been the best part of my life… because it was all my fault. _I’m so sorry_ , Jongin.”

 

“The worst part is, whenever I see you I can’t ignore how much I need you.”

 

“God, we’re both miserable without each other.”

 

“We’re both fucked up.”

 

“I miss you.”

  
“Yeah.”

 

“ _Jongin_.”  
  
  
“What, you think after your drunk confession everything is magically fixed?”

 

Sehun stood from his chair and looked Jongin in the eyes. “I’m not drunk! I know exactly what I’m saying and I know exactly how I feel. Tell me after all this, you don’t feel the same way. Tell me honestly you don’t want to try again and I’ll leave you alone for good.” _You said it yourself, you need me. And I need you_.

 

“I… I mean, if what you said is true and you don’t care about that girl and- you left your friends?”

 

“I couldn’t be friends with people who can’t respect the fact I’m in love with you. Plus, they weren’t that great of friends anyway.”  
  
  
“You really mean what you said?”

 

“Every word. I’ve been tearing myself up without you.”

 

“Tell me how much you love me.”

 

“I love you more than words could even describe.”

 

“That’s a little too much.”

 

Sehun laughed. “Then I guess I’ll just have to show you.” Sehun pulled Jongin to his feet and in his arms. “Dance with me.” And he started swaying with Jongin.

 

“You _are_ drunk.”

 

“No, it was only two beers. I’m pleasantly buzzed.” He stepped slowly around with Jongin and he tilted Jongin’s chin to kiss him. Deeply, lovingly, full of all of the bottled emotions he kept in for so long. And he kept kissing him. Jongin had to push him away just so they could breathe.

 

“Okay, maybe I’m convinced. I did miss those lips.”

 

“You said maybe. That’s not good enough.” Sehun moved in to capture Jongin’s lips again. Now that he got him back, he was never letting go. Sehun whispered countless ‘I love you’s into Jongin’s skin whenever he stopped kissing him.

 

Eventually they moved to head inside. It was nearly two in the morning and it was cold. Sehun still held tightly to Jongin’s hand.

  
  
  
“You know, paying rent on my own sucked.”

**Author's Note:**

> “He was never letting go” ew who says that? obviously milk duds like oh sehun (AND ME) idfk
> 
> the last line is said by jongin in my mind but it really works for either so..
> 
> its late im runnin on adrenaline i thought one of my parents woke up i was like goTTa BLAST  
> they didn’t by the way. or maybe they did. idk
> 
> its not late anymore btw i went to sleep before posting this lmao 
> 
> this is realllly cliche and fake deep and im sorry but whatever am i right?  
> also sorry for the weird spacing ill fix it next time
> 
> please come beat me up on twitter (yixingsmom) or tumblr (based-hakyeon) for this
> 
> cross posted to livejournal as well maybe aff in the future


End file.
